Friday, 10 September 2010

Still a couple more hours

Here I sit, switching between wanting to sleep and wanting to get off this ride. With more than two hours remaining, and a comfortable decision to just let the work go for tonight I am left pondering where this ride will take me. What remains of this journey? What is left in this year? The next couple of years? Where do my dreams sit now, and how will they change? It is all very much "carte blanche" feeling right now. This is probably the first time in weeks where I have the time to sit and clear my mind. It seems so surreal now. :)

I don't believe that my goals have changed. Be successful (mainly in the eyes of my wife and daughter, as they are the real judges) as a husband and father. Be competent in my job. Provide for my family to the best of my abilities. Be involved in sport. Give an Ironman a try.

I recall reading that the difference between a goal and a dream is that a goal is simply a dream with a plan. I like that a lot, even if I often forget it. And in considering that once again, I think it is only the last item in the above list that falls in the dream category. And to be frank, I am okay with that for now...sort of.

What I don't like is that the dream of an Ironman is perhaps the most concrete of everything I listed. Really, it is simple - you train, you start, you try to finish. It even goes down on paper - a number on a bib, an official time, and hopefully a medal. In that sense, it's easy. You just don't get that in the role of husband, parent and professional.

That's not entirely true. It's just that the feedback is more subtle. The daily hugs, kisses and smiles from a loving wife and a beautiful daughter. Great times with great friends. Continued employment. All things that, over time become such a part of your daily norm that you sometimes don't see it the way you used to. Life gets interrupted by life, and it gets hard to remember why it is you do what you do.

So as I sit here and write this, I realize just how god damned lucky I am to be who I am, where I am, backed up (and truly defined) by the most amazing people in the entire world. I couldn't be luckier or happier.

Yes, I want to be an Ironman still. And some day I will become one. Some day sooner I will start training for one. Even sooner than that I will build my base back to where it was (and stop this tummy creep that has started recently).

But in the meantime, I know that I already an Ironman of sorts right now. An iron husband. An iron father. I don't get medals for them not because I deserve them, but because the race isn't over yet.

And unlike the ride I am currently on, I don't want those races to end. Ever.

Sent from my iPod

1 comment:

reaction said...

I Recomend doing P90X it works ! I've been at it for 74 days and have lost 32 pounds.

Keep up the good work !